Thursday, 15 January 2009

Everybody Was Kung Fu Fighting

I work in the village, equidistant between school and home. Nothing more than a 10 minute commute in the mornings which is fab. I work school hours, so can collect my little 4 year old darling at the end of her day and also collect the 2 year old from his OAP childminder in the playground.

When the 4 year old skipped out of school yesterday I asked her how her day had been. She replied thus ...

"Good, I can't remember what I had for lunch and I told my class and teacher that you 'Kung Fu'd' me last night"

I now feel that I have to have words with the teacher to explain what she meant by that and that we really don't need any social services intervention.

We often have a nightly mad half hour. We race round the house, hiding, leaping out at each other followed by jumping on the bed, tickling and blurting (please ask if unsure of this practice). Probably not the most sleep conducive thing to be doing pre bath and bed but it works for us.

This evening the 4 year old decided to add an element of Kung Fu to our evening repertoire. She saw Kung Fu Panda at her first ever cinema trip last summer and although thoroughly enjoyed it hasn't really mentioned it again. I can only assume that the boys at school have been teaching her the art of Jackie Chan with a hint of Power Ranger and Ben 10 thrown in for good measure.

I was about to grab her for some tickling when she leapt at me and 'hi-yaaaaaaaaaad' (karate chopped) the air in front of my face and raced off chuckling. I chose this moment to hide under our duvet (maybe not so much hide as form a large mound).

Realising I wasn't following her she came looking for me. I waited until she was right next to the bed and then sprang from under the cover and 'hi-yaaaaaaaaaad' her back with great gusto. Unfortunately my gusto was such that instead of chopping the air I caught her eye with my newly sharpened claws. She now has a little scratch under her eye, which she proudly showed her father who rolled his eyes in my direction.

In the same day ...

I went to give the 2 year old a rather large smacker of a kiss and to finish off grabbed him for a cuddle as I was leaving for work. He started screaming like he was in pain. Turns out he was in pain. The under wiring of my bra was hanging out and had stabbed him. I now have to go through clearance checks, courtesy of the 2 year old before he will allow me to go anywhere near him.


Kitty said...

My youngest, in his preschool days, told the 'ladies' that my friend had gone to Heaven. They expressed their condolences much to my confusion. My friend had been visiting, and had gone back ... to Devon.

Those bra wires are lethal. I don't blame your 2 yr old.


Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

Mummy's lethal with a bra?
That a new tactic I've never tried. The worst thing I ever did was grow my hair - instant bonus points for the kids when we're wrestling on the bed!

The Book Chook said...

I agree with Kitty, underwire is lethal. It can also work its way out and up at inappropriate times. If you're not stabbed, you only realise when you become aware of the shifting glances of passers by.

Why do we want perky chests anyway? Sag works for me.

Mud in the City said...

I feel I do need to ask - what's blurting?

Merrily Down the Stream said...

This Just In: Child Abused by Bra-Wielding Mother!

Zip n Tizzy said...

Over the holidays, we went to greet the garbage man and ended up in an animated discussion about the crazy drivers he encounters, particularly during the holidays.
I have a tendency to speak with my hands, and in demonstrating some crazy car maneuver I managed to punch my 3 year old in the nose :(
It wasn't hard and he forgave me, but the very compassionate garbage man was quite concerned. I managed to turn it around by making some joke about if it wasn't crazy drivers it was mother's pummeling their children... Aye.
I think in the long run your kids are going to remember the wild fun and not the scratches or the underwire. Good for you for being the Kung Fu Mama!

Raven said...

Hilarious!!! My son (who was about 5 at the time) was in speech. I could not stand this woman and had no idea what some of her exercises were to accomplish. I spoke out one night during one of her assignments and said "this is so stupid...its not to help anything". The next week at speach after she asked if he had done all his assingments he proceeded to tell her that I said it was "Stupid and he didnt have to do it". Needless to say she stopped me in car line that day to express her "concerns" over my "behavior"!!! I have now become more aware of what I say about his teachers! :)


Laura said...

Kitty - Love the Devon story. I had a long dicsussion with the 4 year old about heaven yesterday.

The Book Chook - that is exactly what had happened, the problem is I'm not sure how long it had been like that so I probably did the school pick up with a large curved bit of metal hanging out of my top

Mud - Blurting is to blow raspberrys on your childs tummy till they laugh like a drain!

Merrily and Tara - It's a new way to reprimand your child - Supernanny will be condoning it in her next series and using me as an example.

Zip and Tizzy - Since the incident she has told a further 4 strangers about my Kung Fu skills. They eye me suspiciously whilst I drag her off to silence.

Raven - I'd be careful or you'll be getting detention!

Jo Beaufoix said...

Hee hee, bra impalement. I shouldn't laugh, but hee hee. :D