Sunday, 8 February 2009

Interview with a vampire

Not really a vampire, just me.

I have been meaning to do Jo Beaufoix's interview for ... oh ... maybe four weeks. I wouldn't blame her if she never commented on my blog again, nor if she wrote a nasty post about crap mummy bloggers called Laura.

I could blame the snow, the coldsore, the naked man, concussion, party week, my children, an ever increasing load of ironing or I could come clean.

It's been sat in my notebook for three weeks and I've been too busy polishing off the remaining Green & Blacks Christmas chocolate to type it up.

There is the possibility that she hasn't yet noticed. She's been busy eating in Richard Branson's restaurant, building snowmen attending not just one but TWO hen parties and hosting Miss M's 4th birthday party bash.

The guilt has set in so here we go. The lovely Jo B asked me ...

1. If you were given the choice between a weekly beauty treatment of any kind and having a cleaner which would you choose?

Cleaner every time.

On the beauty side of things; my eyebrows are making me look like I could be the third Gallagher brother. My nails look like I've been rock climbing without gloves. My legs are like a yeti's and my lady garden ... well, let's just not go there.

I reckon things can't get any worse.

The house could do with a thorough 'doing over' by someone in the know. I'm hoping Kim and Aggi will be bobbing over soon.

2. Are you secretly afraid of Supernanny?

Absofeckinglutely.

However, if she were to pay a visit I would put my fear aside, welcome her with open arms and never let her go. I'd probably even lock her in the cellar if we had one.

If she'd read my letter and knocked at the door I would gag the children and hide behind the sofa until the sun went down.

3. A psychic once told you not to eat sandwiches. Was this probably because;

a) They saw you eyeing up their marmalade sarnies and thought you were planning to steal them?

b) You were actually dressed as a sandwich at the time so were you to consume one it would really clash with your outfit?

c) You had informed them you have a recurring nightmare about losing a Wii tennis match due to over consumption of Marmite sandwiches?

It was probably all three. I regularly eye up other peoples sandwiches, whilst dressed as a sandwich and I have a recurring dream about losing a Wii tennis game ... BUT, and this is a big but I HATE MARMITE, so it would definitely be a nightmare.

4. What song will always, without fail, get you up shaking your thang on the dance floor, or at least have you tapping your feet wildly?

If I've consumed too much vodka I will dance to anything, probably in an embarrassing manner.

On a day to day basis I dance to The Jungle Book's 'Bare Necessities' in my kitchen. I'm really good at the bottom scratching bit at the end.



... which of course isn't embarrassing at all.

Talking of dancing ... last week I read this 'dancing' post over at Steenky Bee. I thought it was one of the funniest things I have read in a long time and I still have flashbacks of 'the face'.

When I have a flashback I erupt into laughter, in public, on my own, making me look like a lunatic fresh from the asylum.

5. What is the thing you love/hate most about yourself, or are you practically perfect in every way, like Mary Poppins? (Though frankly I think she needs to sort out her posture.)

Like Mary Poppins I have a bottomless handbag. I do, really I do. It holds all manner of after school snacks and beverages. Just like her, I also have complete control over my children at all times, this I love.

I hate the fact that I find lying about my childcare skills so easy to do.

Interview terminated!

Here’s the directions:

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions).
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

7 comments:

halfmarathongirl said...

A cleaner - that would be amazing. I'm getting to be almost the only one of my friends who doesn't have one!

Still, to make it worthwhile I'd need about 50 of them to carry out a major springclean all in one day, throw out loads of stuff from the backs of cupboards and generally get me into some sort of half-decent shape. Then a cleaner once a week, and perhaps someone fond of ironing could pop in too.

Heaven!!

Anna Lefler said...

Great. Now I'm going to lie in bed all night and wonder what a "marmalade sarnie" is.

Dang it.

:^) Anna

The Dotterel said...

Right, glad that's all cleared up then. (I did wonder about the marmite...)

Kylie w Warszawie said...

Interview me! It will give me some blog fodder as I am recently at a loss.

But aside from that, while I never have had the pleasure of eating Marmite, I was subjected to Vegemite (Marmite's bitter cousin) as a child. I can say, I HATE VEGEMITE!

Expat mum said...

Lets' not talk about bottomless handbags eh? Unless you have't read my current post. If that's the case, go over and learn something!

Mary T said...

You know I'm always looking for material. You can interview me Mrs(no holes barred!)does that sound a bit rude? I'm yet to do the photo challenge you tagged me in last week. I will do it on Wednesday, it got loads more traffic through my site so cheers for that! xxx

Footballers Knees said...

Lying about childcare skills - isn't that what every mother does, at some point in conversation with a mother who appears to be Practically Perfect in Every Way? Come on, we all know someone like that (most of them were in the school playground of my son's primary school - a place I didn't visit often enough as a working mum, so was in lying mode as soon as I walked through the school gates). Love the bit about Bare Necessity - I will add that to my i-Pod right now.