Wednesday, 19 November 2008

For One Night Only - A New Husband

The 4 year old and I had a sleepover last night. I was looking after the big cousins whilst Auntie K was out of town with work. I took the 4 year old because I had to deposit her at school this morning on my way to work.

The 2 year old stayed home with Daddy and had some man time. I found out later that ‘man time’ involved two walnut whip poos on the potty and stripping a chicken carcass for tea.

I had an odd night’s sleep. I drifted in and out. Bouts of wakefulness were prompted by the 4 year old wittering and flailing in her sleep. At one point she walloped me across the face … accidentally of course.

Even though I slept badly I dreamt I was taking part in Channel 4’s Wife Swap and had swapped my house and family for a gypsy caravan, a new husband and several children.

In ‘real life’ there is a gypsy settlement within a few miles of school. Most of the children from the settlement attend the school. I discovered this one morning as I exited the school gates after dropping the 4 year old off. A transit van sped round the corner with a screech and mounting the kerb came to a sudden halt. It was like a scene from the A-Team, that is, until the side door was thrown open to expose two ladies with pushchairs (already erected with toddlers strapped in) and more than a few school children. Wasting no time they leapt out and proceeded to run towards their different classrooms. It was an incredible sight. The ratio of people Vs van square footage should win a place in the Guinness Book of Records.

Unfortunately I was woken mid dream by a foot in the ribs courtesy of the 4 year old. I was most disappointed because I was about to introduce my ‘rules’ to the new family.

My first rule was going to be that the A Team van must be fitted with appropriate seating and seatbelts. My other rules would include me NOT having to empty the chemical toilet or wear large golden hoop earrings.

I will sleep in my own bed tonight. I will sleep clutching my lucky heather.


The Dotterel said...

Of course, you know what Freud would say don't you? That dream had nothing to do with gypsies, wife-swap or the 'A' team! Which only makes me wonder...

Laura said...

Maybe it means I have yearnings to work in car safety or Elizabeth Duke @ Argos?

The Grocer said...

At certain schools near us arriving like that would be considered posh. It was obviously the two year old's freefall squatting that brought on the gypsy image.

Mary T said...

Didn't you apply to be on Location, Location, Location once and channel 4 phoned you up and asked if you wanted to go on wife swap? I think there is a bit of a difference.

Laura said...

I'd forgotten about that. That was post first child, pre second. Judging by the fact that the photo we sent in looked like Andy was married to a man I think they decided we may be better suited to Wife Swap.