Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Cinderella Spilt the Pheasant Stew

This will probably be my last blog of 2008, so I’ve decided to do an update on a few things before slipping quietly into 2009 …

I’ve neglected my blog this past week. I’d like to say I’ve had ‘Bloggers Block’. In part I have but we also got a Nintendo Wii for Christmas which has been slightly distracting. We’ve had a ball, quite literally. We bowl together on wii sports … usually betwixt the hours of 6 and 7am. The 4 year old is the family Kingpin. I on the other hand have all the grace of an elephant and have nearly taken out a glass overhead light fitting on more than one occasion with my over exuberant bowling style.

The 2 Year Old still has the original batman t-shirt and now a long sleeved version which he refuses to wear, a Batman figure, the notorious cape (which he has worn for approximately 40 seconds) and some wrist cuffs which were the cheapest but most successful of his Christmas gifts.

Another spate of undetected ear infections are over so his hearing is up again and his speech is coming along. He has had five ear infections this year alone – they last between 2-3 weeks. There are no outward signs until his ear pops and gunk comes out. We visit the Dr – they say ‘Oh yes, I see, but he’s fine now, goodbye’ – I say ‘Oh yes, he’s fine now, but this is the 5th time this year. That’s around 15 weeks of living in a bubble. His speech is affected! Do something about it’. Reluctantly they have referred him – we only have to wait another 4 months till we go to the hospital to speak to an ‘ear professional’ (who I’ll probably have to cry and blow snot bubbles at) and then another few months until something will be done. With my calculations that’s another 3-4 ear infections and many weeks of deafness. Oh well – at least he can say cracker coherently now.

He is doing really well with his OAP childminders – after all my stressing. He is always happy to go to them – and equally happy to return to the bosom of his mother. In his first week I had to explain the 2 year olds ear problems to them so they didn’t think he was rude and ignoring them. They in turn told me a long, drawn out story (5 minutes before I was due at work) about their son. He suffered from a similar problem during childhood and to summarise ‘had his ears off twice, but it is fine because, although he needs a hearing aid and is dyslexic he is also a Dr’. To add insult to injury ‘his feet are so big that he couldn’t buy a Citroen car’. Although reassuring to hear about his triumphs I had to rush off, I then spent my day at work haunted by the vision of my boy having his ears removed TWICE.

The 4 year old is still bossy and has decided she will call her first born ‘Jesus’. She got a Cinderella dress for Christmas and has worn it for approximately 36 hours out of 48. The only reason she hasn’t worn it for longer is because she spilt pheasant stew down it and I had a three day laundry strike during the festive season.

She’s had a terrible hacking cough over Christmas and I am sick of saying ‘cover your mouth when you cough’ every 45 seconds. After 3 sleepless nights I relented and gave her some ‘night time’ cough medicine. I say relented because as you know the 4 year old has a bad reaction to sugar and additives. Cough medicine is full of colourings and sugar. We were desperate and it promised us that she would sleep soundly. No such luck – the man visited and she thrashed about all night whilst shouting and screaming random sentences.

The Husband got Guitar Hero : World Tour for the Wii, so spends his evenings strumming to an imaginary stadium of thousands in his band ‘Jumbo Ballsack’. I have learnt not to speak whilst he is ‘performing’; it makes for an easier life. We are planning his birthday party for January and he is seemingly unworried by hitting the big 40. His only concern is that overnight his pubic hair will go grey.

Me – I got the BIGGEST hamper of Green & Black’s chocolate for Christmas. My body is currently 70% cocoa solids. I’ve had an eye infection, usually I wear contacts but I had to forgo them for antibacterial eye drops and my ‘Evil Edna’ glasses. My eye was so sensitive that on Christmas Eve I had to watch TV with one of the 2 year olds socks wrapped round the right lens. I would have been much better off with an eye patch.

On Boxing Day morning I was sat with my sister on the kitchen floor watching the kids racing mini santa’s on sleighs. The children were arguing about which Santa they wanted (there was a choice of 12). My sister watching them said “I remember thinking it would be great to have my children close together” (she has the same age gap between her kids as I do – my niece and nephew are now 12 and 14) she pointed at the 2 and 4 year old who were grappling with a shiny green sleigh and hitting each other “but often I wondered if I’d done the right thing – this is one of the worst ages”.

I on the other hand think there is probably far worse to come and I look forward to sharing it with you all!

Happy New Year!


The Book Chook said...

I hear you on the Wii - only I took out my husband's left ear. He has one on the other side so not sure why he complained. Testosterone can do strange things to their logic.

Robert said...

My 3 yr old daughter would recommend Disney's Princess Enchanted Journey for the Wii. It's simple to play, and the story & bgraphics are quite good.

"I on the other hand think there is probably far worse to come..." Not necessarily true. But there IS different to come, I can promise you that!

Susanna (A Modern Mother) said...

70 percent chocolate sounds good to me!

Yes, I often have to peel off the princess dresses...

Have a good New Year!

Old Knudsen said...

The only wii I have is in me trousers cos I'm old. What a lot to process. Ear infections can be caused by mixing with other germy children all the time just like colds.
Hand washing and hand sanitiser and beat the sprogs now and then. See you next year.

color for the hair down there said...

for the husband tell him about bettybeauty color for the hair down there! will solve his fears if he ever discovers anything gray down there! its safe and specifically made for the pubic region.

Tara@Sticky Fingers said...

It seems the whole world is being overtaken by the Wii!
We spent our Christmas Wiiing too! Cannot crawl out of the house before a quick bowling tornament!

Reluctant Housewife said...

Great post! Really funny. I wish those family update letters people put in their Christmas cards were more like this.

Happy New Year n' all that!

The Sexy Pedestrian said...

A friend's 6-year-old got a Wii for Christmas and spent the day Wii bowling. A few days later she was taken to a real bowling alley by her well-meaning dad, which she dismissed as "crap".

Good luck with the "hair down there"!

Happy New Year!

Anna Lefler said...

Happy New Year to you, too!

Thanks for stopping by my blog and becoming a follower - I really appreciate that! And you have my new favorite avatar/photo, OMG. That hungover Barbie is the BOMB.

Take care and I look forward to reading more of your posts...

:^) Anna

Laura said...

Robert - We have Disney's Enchanted Journey - the 4 year old loves it but I end up having to perform magic on the 'bogs' for her!

Book Chook - I haven't yet injured another member of my family - but I am trying.

Susanna - She has the reversible 'Rags To Riches' Cinderella dress and refuses point blank to wear the 'rags' side. She clearly has breeding (though not sure where she got that!)

Anna - I found you on someone elses blog and decided to take a peek - I like yours too. Re the photo - think Barbie may look slightly better with a moustache like yours.

Sexy Pedestrian - I was thinking about how we will introduce the 4 year old to a 'real life' bowling alley. It may be too much for her to comprehend if she is unable to take the Wii controller with her.

Tara - i'm thinking of seeting up a Wii Anonymous group, perhaps you could be my first member.

Old Knudsen - As last year I will be spending this year in a waft of antibacterial sprays and lotions!

Expat mum said...

Oh yes, my teenagers are 15 and 13 and they can barely watch past each other without a "Doofus" comment being hurled! And they don't fit on the naughty step any more!!!

tara@Sticky fingers said...

Laura, I'm there for any Wiiing group - I don't even need to be anon!