Monday, 23 March 2009

An update on life as we know it

Me – I was shocked and slightly disturbed to find that all this blogging (which some may see as idle wittering) has earned me number 40 in the Top 100 British Parent Bloggers. It’s all very exciting and I don’t completely understand all the technical bits which got it there, but none the less I have told everyone (bar the monotone security guard on Friday) I have come into contact with over the past week.

I have had several broody moments this week. I keep seeing mothers with their bundles of joy out and about in the village. In my mind I would love another bundle of joy because the maternal lunatic which lives inside me has erased all the crappy/shitty/tear your hair out parts of having a baby. All I can remember are the good bits … swaying with my beautiful baby in the pitch black of night as I feed her/him for the third time in six hours. Bliss. What? Wasn’t I tired and vaguely psychotic through lack of sleep? According to the maternal lunatic in my head … nope, never. I blame the sudden bouts of sunshine this week which make everything seem très jolie.

Just for the record, the above paragraph is written in a special typeface that my husband can't read.

I am feeling fairly domesticated which is a vast improvement on my previous status of ‘definitely not domesticated, no sireee’. Not only have I ironed more than twice this week I have also bought a new Hoover and taken an interest in the garden. My new favourite hangout is the local garden centre.

Can I just mention that the highlight of the televisual year is upon us. The Apprentice is back on Wednesday. Personally, I can’t wait.

Husband – Doesn’t like the Apprentice and is more Alan Titchmarsh than Guitar Hero these days. Despite a bad back he has spent hours cultivating a vegetable patch. It started three weeks ago with a ceremonious bonfire (what is it with men and fire?) in the back garden to clear the way and now we have seedlings sprouting ubiquitously.

I keep having visions of him stepping onto a podium at the village summer fair to collect his prize for 'Yorkshire's Biggest Leeks'.

3 Year OldStealth Boy has struck again. Last week husband found a '3 year old sized soil angel' in his vegetable patch. This is hindering the above village prize giving vision.

I walked into the kitchen on Saturday morning to find it flooded. From what I can tell he had been trying to fill the dog’s water bowl. Unfortunately he had then spilled it and repeated the process around twenty times.

The grommet operation was a success, he can hear, his balance is better and he actually starts conversations with people where before he would stand and stare at them as if they were talking in Swahili.

We are growing his hair, I say 'we' but I am actually against this idea as his head is already on the large side. He now has ear flaps and as his hair grows, so does his head. I keep looking at pictures of him after his last hair cut and contemplating sneaking off to the barbers for a quick snip.

4 Year Old – She is in fine fettle. Parents evening made us swell with pride.

Her writing has become much clearer and she likes to leave messages, albeit phonetically, on my computer. Her latest offering was … ‘Ben ten is a hirobicoshiyfitswivpipl’. As you can see she needs to work on her spacing too.

Her class keep getting nit letters, every time I read one I start to itch. No nits yet and I am crossing my fingers that we shall avoid them altogether. Who am I kidding?!

On a recent trip (one of many) to the garden centre she caught us unawares and she had to have an emergency poo. Husband was mortified as he and the 4 year old emerged from behind a polytunnel. She looked relieved. Apparently it was huge. We just can't EVER go there again.

Luckily there are other garden centres in the area that we can visit.


Mel said...

Your post made me smile and as a mother of three I can only say it is hard! Very hard! See post about 2 year old jealous boy, on the other hand when they are nice to one another they are lovely!

Oh dear, good job there are several garden centres in the vicinity, we all have times like that, well done on her writing. It's great when they start to read and write and communicate with you.

Finally congratulations on your top 100 position.

Nicola said...

congratulations Laura! And very funny post. Still giggling over the big poo...and the big-headed 3 year old. My 5 year old's nappa is also massive - tho sometimes I just think his short hair cut exaggerates it.

b said...

Well done on your rating, you deserve it, your posts make me chuckle, we have all had those emergency poo jobs. Good luck with the veg garden, my daughter has created one too, so we are watching and waiting, although she is very scared that our dogs are going to ruin it.

Anonymous said...

An excellent update on your family's progress. Well done on your top rating :)

hongkongphooey said...

1. The poo was green, the size of a cucumber and had an evil, smily face.
2. We are aiming for Ziggy Stardust with the boy's hair. It must not be cut.
3. The word 'passing' was missing from the interest in gardening piece.
4. Four children is more pain and heartache a man can contemplate. Oh, I nearly forgot joy there.
5. I am very proud of my blogtastic wife.

Just thought I'd help clear a few things up.

The husband.

Kylie w Warszawie said...

I'm not cutting my boys' hair until summer comes. It's easier when they don't have to go out with a hat on.

And congrats!

Mel said...

Oh, a lovely post, Wifey. I am so proud of your rating - and of the four year old for her stealth poo in the garden centre.

Also, do not cut Boy's hair. He must join O as a tousle-haired rock kid. Imagine them on Guitar Hero together.

Wife x

Anonymous said...

So pleased your son is getting on well with the gromits.

As for being broody, I have 230 ewes to lamb over the next few weeks and that equates to a hellova lorra lambs! That'll ding dang doo for me.

CJ xx

Anonymous said...

Well done on position 40!
I'm so relieved/pleased to find someone else who can't wait for the Apprentice. I love it too. We must compare notes.

Alan Titchmarsh???

Really Rachel said...

Congratulations Laura! A well deserved position in the 'charts'! Loving your blog!

fraught mummy said...

You struck a chord. I'm a mother of two and have bizarrely gone all broody despite the fact we have only had uninterrupted nights for the past 2 months. I CANNOT WAIT for the Apprentice to start. Really can't am so excited. Have made husband (who is not broody) set up the computer and pay huge amounts of cash so that we can see the show (we don't live in the UK). And Son Number One has just taken to doing large poos whenever we take the dog out for a walk, which I then have to try to stop the dog from eating. Motherhood, the glamourous lifestyle choice!

Tawny said...

I can't wait for the apprentice as well. I love it! Superb post and congrats on your 40th position :)

Expat mum said...

I got a "nit" letter from school this week, as well as a strep throat and conjunctivitis one. I'll be lucky if we all make it through to the weekend!

MGM said...

LOL! My husband has a big head, which I tend to joke about. When his hair needs a cut, I usually tell him his head is getting too big.

Congrats on your top 100!

Merrily Down the Stream said...

Now very slowly...
Back. Away. From. The. Penis.

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Mum Gone Mad said...

Lol, made me smile, sounds like me!(wanting another little bundle, not the domestic goddess stuff). But I went on and had another little darling, thank goodness I'm over the hill now or we could be in trouble! Enjoyed your blog :)luv Karen x

Frog in the Field said...

Brilliant post, love your style.
Warning..the third child is so fabulous, wrap you all round their little fingers.
(Whisper - the workload is times tenfold)

Selina Kingston said...

Congratulations on your rating - it's well deserved because this is a great blog. I really love the way you write.
I'm afraid I can't talk about nits without shuddering and scratching my head violently but I too am glad The Apprentice has returned. Had wine, crisps and chocs set out ready for an indulgent hour and a half (don't forget the BBC2 bit after!) only for the whole family to invade my space asking to watch it with me because "it's educational" !! They say that about everything they want to watch...even "Heroes".
Please don't stop writing - you make me laugh!

Michelle said...

There's something about a new vacuum that renews the spirit. Maybe that's where that crazy baby thinking came from? No?

Working mum said...

I made no. 33 - how did that happen?

Have to admit, I'm not an apprentice fan, either, give me Strictly any day!

mothership said...

Oh GOD! I'm so relieved someone else has a 4 year old who has to do emergency poos in embarrassing places. Mine does the Ken Dodd dance and shouts that she absolutely DOES NOT NEED A POO and then suddenly it's red alert and a suitable place to hide must be found. I usually have the travel potty handy in the car but if we are more than 5 paces from said vehicle I am up the creek. You know only too well which one.
Congrats on your position in the charts!

Paradise Lost In Translation said...

Well done on your postiion. The numbers didn't extend down to my position in the hcarts, sadly.....! Enjoyed visiting, I'll be back :-)

ModernMom said...

I've just found your blog and have to say I'm truly enjoying it! Too sute. Hope you don't mind if I follow along from Canada for a while!