Burning The Candle Both Ends

I didn't know true sleep deprivation until I had children. Now I know I can survive on 4 hours sleep with the help of Diet Coke and pure childcare adrenalin, but I am a monster, and I know that blood is thicker than water because if they weren’t born of my loins I would have killed them by now.

The 4 year old didn't sleep through the night without interruption until her brother arrived on the scene (she was 18 months old). I'm sure she then slept with a wry smile.

Now it's different- I think they have meetings by nightlight to discuss that evenings tactics.

The current tactic is a relay race by which the 4 year old, who suffers night terrors, wakes from 11pm-3am every hour on the hour screaming as though she’s being stabbed with a butter knife. Then the 2 and a half year old wakes at 5am to beat on his door with whatever he can find (usually Mr Potato Head’s carcass) whilst shouting ‘Mummy’ in a variety of tones until he is released.

We did have an unusually quiet morning 2 weeks ago. The sort where you think maybe you should check they are still breathing. Which I did, to find the 2 and a half year old on his window sill smearing nappy cream all over it and himself. I wasn't sure whether to be happy for the extra sleep or angry for the mess.

I think I should invite myself to one of their nightlight meetings and put across the point that if Mummy doesn't get enough sleep Mummy is very grumpy and that I will offer chocolate incentives.

The 2 and a half year old still has a nap and I often wonder whether I should give him a taste of his own medicine and wait until he’s just dropped off then bang on his door with a selection of Mr Potato Head’s limbs (for variety). I could then burst into his room covered in nappy cream whilst shouting his name. I could then be sectioned …

… but at least I’d get some sleep!